Uncontrollable.

The stress is eating me alive. I hate this feeling I get every day. I'm so nervous. It feels like my stomach is dropping. Or butterflies. It's horrible. I'm on the edge of tears praying he won't snap. It's so much harder to fix something that's not under your control. It's so hard to control somebody else. I understand he way he feels but at the same time I jut want him to calm down. I understand the hatred he feels because I feel it too. Bu I know how to control myself. If he snaps...it's all over. Everyone will hate him even more. Everyone will hate me. I will lose best friends. It's so hard to deal with this. He promised me he wouldn't do it but still...the tension is killing me. I still feel like he's gonna hit he breaking point and not be able to control himself...he's going to ruin everything, I can feel it. I'm just waiting in silence for the day to come.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Everything happens for a reason. There's so many people in my life that I have lost because of stupid reasons. But maybe they weren't such stupid reasons. Maybe there was something deeper than that. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. 
The only way I ever got over any of the friends or boyfriends that I had lost was by trying as hard as I possibly could to move on. For a long time it was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. But now, I can finally get over them by realizing that I have better friends. The friends I have now are perfect and I don't ever want to lose them. But truthfully, I probably will. But whatever happens--happens. I got over my last boyfriend by finding another guy that really likes me. And I really like him. Maybe my ex's weren't the only good guys in the world. All it takes to change your mind is having the right mindset and thinking positively. I found it a lot easier than I had thought it would be.

Insecurities.

Why is it so hard for people to accept my decisions? It's my life; not yours. You need to stop worrying about my life and my opinions and my decisions. Let me just live my life. 
I really hate when people try to tell me to do something because THEY want me to. Not because it's better for me or anyone else, just them. It's hard to deal with people sometimes because they try to get me to do stuff that I don't want to do. I'm so close to giving in to peer pressure.
But no; I'm better than that. It's my life and I'll make my own decisions. I know what's good for me and what's not. I'm not THAT stupid. 
Peer pressure. I used to think it was easy to stick up for what you believe in. But it's harder than I thought. After a while it gets to you. It's eating me alive. Why is it so hard to just say no? Why is it that everyone cares so much about what everybody else thinks of them? Is it because they're insecure? Is it because they want to be cool? Or maybe they just don't care. Could it be that they don't want to lose the friends that they have? Maybe it's the fact that everybody just wants fit in. 
Nobody's perfect; no matter how hard you try, you will never be perfect. Everybody has something that is wrong with them; everybody has their own little insecurities. Me, I have a lot. I think more than most people. It's so hard for me to do normal things because I'm always so insecure. I always feel like I'm never good enough an I need to be perfect. But nobody can. And I try to keep that in mind. But it's harder than it seems. 
I have really bad trust issues. I don't think there's really any remedy for that. I've been hurt too badly to forgive and forget. My insecurities combine with my trust issues and make every day a living hell for me. I try so hard to convince myself that people are my real friends and that they love me for me. But my insecurities get the best of me.