Inspiring Quote #1 (:

It takes luck for a miracle, but it does't take a miracle to get lucky.

I found this extremely meaningful when my friend Trevor told me it. He texted me telling me I was going to get very lucky soon. When I asked what he meant when he said lucky, he began to name lucky things that happen. (Meeting a movie star, winning the lottery, etc.) And I told him, "Yeah right, I never get lucky. Nothing lucky will happen to me until I'm like 37! Hahaha!" His response was: "It takes luck for a miracle, but it doesn't take a miracle to get lucky." And that really got me thinking. He was right. Maybe something huge wouldn't happen, but I would get lucky. The possibility of it being a miracle is very slim, but of course I could always get lucky. (:

Mystery.

            Last night my “brother” asked me a question about life: Why all the mystery? Why does everything need to be kept an absolute mystery to us?

            Well how would there be a way to reveal the truth? And why would anybody want to do that? Mystery is such an amazing thing. It makes life fun and unexpected. That’s what makes life worth while. What would be the fun of knowing everything? The best part of life is finding things out as you go along, right?

            But mystery keeps you guessing and leads you into wonder.

            True. And who ever said that guessing and thinking is a bad thing? It’s great to discover new things and think outside the box. Thinking is something we do on a regular basis and without mystery there would be no need.

            I love mystery. It’s dark, but light; it’s balanced perfectly. You never know why lies ahead. It’s beautiful.

Deep Inside

For school, I take a Drama class, right? Well our teacher, Craig, made us create our own characters, in a way. First we made out walk. Then our face that went with it. Then our actions, and the way we said "Hello." It was interesting to see peoples characters because I realized something nobody that else did. Our characters weren't just something we made up on the spot. They came from somewhere. They were something we wanted to be; something we felt inside.

My character was shy and kind of awkward. That's the way I feel inside every day. Awkward, sad, upset. I just never want to show it. My character brought it out of me. It was a way for me to let it out, without it really being known that I feel that way. Of course, I didn't think about that at the time that I made up my character. I just thought about it today and realized it.

My other friend, for example, was a snobby girl; very bratty and rude. Lately she's been starting to show that too. Every day, she seems to act more and more like her character and I can't stand it. I think the characters really were just the epitome of how we feel inside, without us knowing.

Stuck in the Box

Today, my teacher showed us a video. A video about Education. Part of it was about imagination and "thinking outside of the box." I feel like I don't think enough. Like when I think, It's not so much because I want to, but more because I have to. I feel uncreative and plain and I hate it. I need to think outside of the box. I wonder how many uses I could think of for a paperclip? Or a box of cards? Or a peice of string? Probably three, unless I thought really hard about it. I feel like I'm not as creative as I used to be. What's happening? My goal for this week is to be creative and think about things differently.

Depressing. Meaningful. (About a Family Member, Not Myself)

The razorblade laughs,

Soaking in your blood,

Feeling the satisfaction of slowly slicing through soft human flesh,

Never regretting the pain it caused you,

Only I know the deep stabbing pain of regret,

Only I know how much of life you’re passing by,

I understand your pain,

The dark pain you feel inside,

The pain of a bullet shot right through you’re heart,

The feeling of deep pain and heavy weight on your chest,

I know.

Let me be your open-heart surgeon,

I can take the pain away,

Take away the hatred,

And replace it with love and laughter,

Let me help you.

Forgotten Teddy Bear

            I sat alone and cold on the bedroom floor, one button eye missing and my leg torn. I stared at the wall wishing someone would play with me and fix me; I longed to be loved once more. Darkness crept in as the clock on the wall ticked slowly. It was a sound I was quite used to by now. I so badly wanted to be held and cuddled and taken into bed. If only I could speak, I could tell someone how I was feeling; tell them I was in need of help; tell them I was alive.

            The bedroom door suddenly opened and I felt an overwhelming feeling of hope as I watched the boy walk in. He looked at me and I looked at him; I knew how pathetic I must have looked, dirty and lying helpless on the hard wood floor. I waited for him to walk over and lean down, pick me up and carry me away. I was euphoric when I saw him walking towards me, his arms stretched out, and he picked me up. He cared! He was going to fix me and love me! The feeling was the best I’ve ever experienced knowing that somebody cared about me again. Oh, how I missed him.

            Out of the blue was flying through the air and I hit the ground with a thump. The small thread that was holding my leg to my body finally snapped and my left leg slid across the floor. The feeling of happiness and love immediately left. If I was human, tears would have run down my face; this depression was unbearable. I lay on the floor in pain and stared at the wall once more as Robby climbed into bed and closed his eyes.

Who Am I?

            My name is Ashley. I have blown out the candles on July 23^rd each year since 1997. I’m short, and I love it. I have switched schools almost every year for my whole life so far. I hate doing group work in school. I’m pretty smart for my age. I absolutely can’t stand History. For the longest time, I had no interest in college until my Humanities teacher convinced me. I am very insecure. I constantly point out my flaws. I love my personality, yet hate my face. I only wear tight pants. I love purple; it’s quite clearly the best color. I like to stand out. I hate liking the same thing as everybody else. I am who I am and I will never change for anyone. I’m a very obstinate person. I have done many things that I am not proud of. I try hard to be a good person. I am very polite and I despise rudeness; for it is simply not necessary. I wave and say hi to people I don’t know. I like to make peoples days because I know how good it feels when someone makes my day. I love to compliment others and help them realize the amazing things about them. I give great advice. All I want is everyone around me to be happy. My biggest fears are doctors and spiders. I really don’t like feet at all. I love God although I barely know him. I don’t go to church on a regular basis as I should. I like to think. I am one of the very few people on this earth that truly knows who they are. I am easy to love and I love easily. I like to laugh and smile. I have a few very close friends that I would trust with my life. I love my family. I hate drama. I hate when people are labeled; labels are for soup cans, not people. I don’t see a point in hatred although I am guilty of it. There are many things I would like to change about the world. I like sugar. I only eat my hot Cheetos with a Slurpee.  I adore chocolate. My friends and family are my life; I would do almost anything for them. I hate lies. I feel sorry for people who aren’t close with their families. I despise people who only care about possessions. I am addicted to Facebook and my phone. I like Harry Potter. I love to read. I’m very, very lazy. I hate P.E. I wear an I heart Boobies bracelet. (Keep a Breast Foundation) I enjoy wearing Vans. I am in love with my school. I hate getting close to people because I’m always so afraid that they are going to hurt me. I am slightly afraid of change, yet open-minded. Life is all about taking risks to me. There is no meaning of life. Love is useless and just a waste of your time. I usually listen to productive criticism. I find serial killers interesting. I can’t wait ‘til I turn 18 and I can get tattoos. I am one of the most real people in the world nowadays. I make mistakes; nobody is perfect. I love to cry as a release yet it is hard for me sometimes. I’m sensitive. I hate being mean to people because memories are sometimes something that stays forever and hurts a person for a very long time. I apologize for the things I have done or people I have wronged. I love to eat but I’m very skinny. I am very grateful for all that I have. I never wear matching socks. I have small feet; I’m small. My back hurts a lot. I learned to ride a bike not too long ago. There are very few things that I look forward to in life. I don’t think my name suits me but I have learned to love it. I get bored easily. I love to text and talk on the phone. My big sister is the best; I wish I saw her more often. My favorite cereal is cocoa pebbles. I don’t paint my nails. I don’t wear dresses or skirts. I hate people who wear a lot of make-up. I’m gullible. I’m a hypocrite in many ways. I wish I had never cut nor died my hair. I often live in the past. I am myself and nobody else.