Pain

            Pain. There are two types of pain: physical and emotional. Physical pain is something easily cured at times. Medicine can fix that. Emotional pain: now that’s a different story.

            Now I’m not saying that physical pain is always easily cured; I’m just saying it’s easier cured than emotional. Emotional pain is something you feel inside; something that eats away at your mind. Emotional pain can be angry, frustrated, sad, or any other kind of unhappy feeling.

            One of the hardest things in life is learning to deal with emotional pain: heartache. I don’t really know if anyone ever learned how to deal with it. Sure, maybe you can forget about it; maybe you can do some other stuff to get it off your mind. But it’s always there. Somewhere inside, it’s all there. It’s all building up and waiting for a chance to come out; unless you know how to get rid of it.

            It’s hard to make your emotions go away, but thinking negatively never helps. If you need to let your feelings out, you should find some way that works for you. Whether it is writing, talking, crying, any way to let out those feelings, it should work. But that won’t make it go away. You have to accept change and realize that the past doesn’t matter. (That’s usually the reason for emotional pain, not always though.)

            You only live life once, (you may have different beliefs.) so you may as well make the best of it and heartache is not something I want to do in my life. Since it’s just not something I want for me, I push it away. What happened in the past doesn’t matter to me anymore; only what will happen in the future. There’s no point in mourning over the past; there’s nothing you can do about it.

            (I know I say a lot of the same stuff about the pasty and the future; it’s just something that interests me.)

Very short thoughts on time(?)

I’ve always wanted time to go faster; saying “Hurry up” and rushing through life, anxious to grow older and experience new things. Only now do I find myself wanting the clock on the wall to tick slower; wanting enough time to “stop and smell the roses.” Only now do I realize how precious time really is.

            I find myself regretting things more often than before. Every missed opportunity is a major loss. Even little things such as if you should go talk to that girl sitting alone over there or how to wear your hair that day. Something big could come from it.

            Every 60 seconds that we spend upset or unhappy with someone is a minute of happiness or friendship we’ll never get back; and we all know we could use a little more of both.

Family Wishes

            It’s so hard to let go when it’s somebody you love. It’s so hard to watch them make mistakes and know the consequences. It’s so hard to sit and wait for someone to completely leave your life. It’s so hard to sleep at night when you know what’s going to happen to your family.

            It’s horrible knowing that any second I could get a call telling me he’s gone. Crying father, supportive mother daughter and sister, well that’s not enough. That’s just not enough to heal our family. There’s enough pain brought to us by him and we all know where we’ll end up. It hurts.

            I can barely remember those days that we shared; the days when we were together; the days we were siblings. I miss those days. The hide and go seek and secret agent games…I miss them. At this point IO even miss the days we fought. The days I ran away crying and hid in my room. The days that our voices were all you could hear in our house. I miss the days that he was alive.

            I miss the laughs, the cries, the smiles, the yells, the hugs, and fights, the games, the violence, the concerts, the hatred, the love. I miss it all. What I wouldn’t give to get things back to the way they were. What I wouldn’t give to give my father good children. I know how much it hurts him and I just wish I could fix it.

            I know there’s nothing I can do; you can’t change the past but you can change the future. All I want is to be a good kid for my parents and not ever put them through this pain again. I just want everyone to be happy. If that means sacrificing my wants to make everyone else happy, I can do that. That’s such a small price to pay for such a huge gift.

Innovations Academy

            Just thinking about how great my school is for me. I learned so much more than I thought I would. At the end of the day I usually end up thinking, "Wow, today was so easy. I didn't even learn anything." But then I realize, wait, I learned so much more than I ever thought I would.
            Lisa is an amazing Math teacher; she taught me almost everything I know. I used to hate Math and I was horrible at it too. Now, I'm in Algebra and I'm doing just fine. I understand it all, I like it. That was all Lisa's doing.
            Tony made me the “amazing” writer that I am today. He is very helpful when it comes to critiquing my writing. I’ve always loved writing and Tony is the one that made me realize that I should go somewhere with it.
            At the beginning of last year, I was not going to college. I just was not going to do it and nobody could change my mind. (I’m very stubborn.) Tony forced me to go. I am a very stubborn person, once I have my mind set on something, I just won’t change. But Tony got through and made me realize how much I need to go to college and how much of a wasted opportunity it would be if I didn’t.
            The best thing about this school is that not only do they teach you stuff but if you need help they are willing to help you and make sure that you understand it. They won't move on if you don't.
            The thing that bugs me about my school is that we do not have homework. I understand the purpose; so we can have more time with family or friends. We also do more work in school so there is no need for homework. But once we get in High School, we’re going to explode from the amount of homework we will be getting each night. It’s a big change going from no homework at all to hours of it a night. I just think that maybe we should be prepared more for High School.
            Either way, this school is an amazing school that teaches us what out strong points are and what we should do with our lives. It also teaches problem solving and social skills. I love this school and I will be very disappointed when I have to move on to High School.

How Long

We sat in silence; waiting. I slowly ran my hands over the chilly goose bumps covering my arms as I felt a shiver run down my spine. My mind wandered as we sat in a deserted wasteland. I watched the employee furiously typing on his computer. Click, click, click, click, click, click. The constant clicking echoed in my thoughts, knocking them from their place and they fell to the ground with a shatter. “Who’re you waiting for?” I looked up quickly, the shock of the sudden voice hit me like a bullet.

            “Um.” My voice cracked; my thoughts still loitering in my head, lying shattered and broken on the ground, crying to be cleaned up. I looked up at Regina as she smiled.

            “Rheaven Lodas.” She looked at me again. “My daughter; her sister.” I smiled nervously and looked back down to the carpeted airport floor to pick up my thoughts. I inhaled the thick, crisp, cold, San Diego night air. It had that smell; that feel. The smell of a new car, the feel of an empty new house. So many memories yet to be made, so many stories to be told in the future. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as my jacket slowly clung to me like melting plastic; the soft cotton sleeves brushing gently against my many goose bumps. I sat quietly, breathing deeply, feeling my chest inflate like a balloon with each breath.

            Sitting just out of her line of vision, I watched my “sister” look around in confusion. I saw the slightly disappointed look on her face and took that as my cue. I flung out of my chair and leapt toward her, sprinting, my shoes screaming under the pressure of each bound. She turned around quickly and I saw the huge smile that sat upon her face. There was not a drop of hatred in her eyes and for once I felt the love that someone could only feel for close family. I wrapped my arms around her in a bear hug. How long had it been? I squeezed my sister, looking over her shoulder and noticed two girls; maybe a year or two older than myself, laughing and smiling, walking together and my smile grew wider.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

            In a way, it helps to cry. And in a way it makes it worse. I shouldn’t cry because it’s over and I want things back to the way they were. I should smile and be happy and think about the memories I have and what I learned from it.

            She taught me a lot. One of the most important things is who I am. It’s crazy how a person can help you realize who you are. They bring out the real you; not the one you fake to make people like you. They bring out the real you; who you are inside.

            Another important thing she taught me is how to love; how to trust someone with all your heart and love them like there’s no tomorrow. I loved who she was and who I was when I was with her. 

            One more thing she taught me was that people let you down sometimes; you can’t always trust everyone forever. And when that person lets you down and leaves, you have to let go because there’s no way to heal if you don’t.

            People come and go through-out life, that’s just the way it is. They come into your life and teach you how to love and hate, how to deal with problems, and how to be yourself. And when they leave they teach you so much more; you just have to open your eyes to see it.