Fading

And after everything you've said and all you've done to hurt me--I still catch my thoughts drifting to you.
And call my crazy but my heart still beats for you. 
After all the tears and blood I've seen, I still manage to whisper your name. 
All these scars and meaningless words and thoughts; they're all painful remnants of your existence. 
Slowly but surely, I'm dying without you: 
I'm fading. 
You know that smile you once called pretty? 
It's now left lost and forgotten in the back of my thoughts. 
But what would I be without you? 
Happy? 
Alive?
Nothing, nonetheless. 
Without you, I would've never known true love, loss, or real pain. 
So thank you; for loving me, and for leaving me.
For leaving me broken and scarred, and for never saying my name. 
For hearing my words, but never once listening. 
Thank you. 
For making me think that I'm useless, ugly, stupid, and nothing. 
For making me spend countless hours wondering why I will never be good enough for you. 
For giving me the lowest self-esteem and the largest trust issues that this world has ever seen. 
Nice to know I'll never fall for your lies again. 
Or your truth. 
What truth? 
Could it be possible that honestly flows from your lips? 
Or is it all just a mirage? 
The borderlines are blurring. 
Does this so-called "reality" exist, or is it all just my imagination? 
I'm mad: crazy.
I'm finally done. 
I can't take your games anymore. 
Goodbye. 
And please, don't call my name. 
The last thing I want is to hear your voice and find myself falling for you again.