Family Wishes

            It’s so hard to let go when it’s somebody you love. It’s so hard to watch them make mistakes and know the consequences. It’s so hard to sit and wait for someone to completely leave your life. It’s so hard to sleep at night when you know what’s going to happen to your family.

            It’s horrible knowing that any second I could get a call telling me he’s gone. Crying father, supportive mother daughter and sister, well that’s not enough. That’s just not enough to heal our family. There’s enough pain brought to us by him and we all know where we’ll end up. It hurts.

            I can barely remember those days that we shared; the days when we were together; the days we were siblings. I miss those days. The hide and go seek and secret agent games…I miss them. At this point IO even miss the days we fought. The days I ran away crying and hid in my room. The days that our voices were all you could hear in our house. I miss the days that he was alive.

            I miss the laughs, the cries, the smiles, the yells, the hugs, and fights, the games, the violence, the concerts, the hatred, the love. I miss it all. What I wouldn’t give to get things back to the way they were. What I wouldn’t give to give my father good children. I know how much it hurts him and I just wish I could fix it.

            I know there’s nothing I can do; you can’t change the past but you can change the future. All I want is to be a good kid for my parents and not ever put them through this pain again. I just want everyone to be happy. If that means sacrificing my wants to make everyone else happy, I can do that. That’s such a small price to pay for such a huge gift.